Producing numerous life enhancing results when used property, validation and redirection of thought are two tools you will want to become familiar with. They can calm your loved one in catastrophic moments and segue them away from possibly harming themselves or others while maintaining their sense of reality.
Validation isn’t necessarily agreeing with or approving the actions of your loved one, but it can be an excellent technique that allows the loved one to feel your support which in turn strengthens the relationship. In truth this is especially crucial during those moments when you find you totally disagree with them.
The loved one’s realities and thought patterns continually change (and change without logic being the motivating factor). I like what Dr. Jamie Long, Psychologist says in her online article, “What is Invalidation? 5 Things You Shouldn’t Say.”
Particularly appreciated is Dr. Long’s statement, “Validation doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with another’s subjective reality. Validation simply allows another person’s emotional state a space to exist.” Moreover, the entire article makes for very interesting reading. And that my friend is doable. In fact, it pretty much makes everything okay, regardless of what you hear coming from your loved one.
Prime goal is to affirm the feelings of another. In particular, allowing the loved one to perceive they have the final say, validation increases their sense of autonomy. This in turn sends the message they are indeed respected. Therefore your loved one’s sense of self-worth and value are strengthened as a result.
And guess what? If done correctly they calm right back down.
There are just too many “feel good” chemicals flowing through their system now. We are all designed to want and need validation throughout our lifetime, this is not specific to dementia.
As for our loved ones, a missed opportunity of validation is nothing less than catastrophic. Their world almost immediately begins tumbling down around them as they perceive things to be. Everything pretty much becomes very black and white, succeed or fail, sink or swim, live or die.
Reflect + Normalize = Validation
● Validate the loved one’s emotional experience, not the content of their statements
● Reflect their feelings back to them
● To validate you must use an accurate reflection of what they just said. It can either be word-for-word or a summarization
● Normalize their feelings. “Anyone would react in that same manner,” for instance.
Case in point. This is a great example of validation and redirection of thought. True story. 86 y/o Fred has been living in a locked dementia facility for two years. I saw him just as he was attempting to jump out a second story window.
“May I ask what you are doing,” I calmly inquired walking up beside him. “Just going outside,” he nonchalantly responded. “We’re on the second floor of this building Fred. It’s a big drop to the ground below,” I respond.
Thinking I’m the one lacking common sense, Fred with a shrug of his shoulders says, “I’m just going outside. Everybody does it.”
“Why don’t you use a door?” I ask. “Oh, I tried that. This place doesn’t have any doors!”
In one sense Fred was right. Locked dementia facilities blend exit doors to their surroundings to redirect exit seekers just like Fred.
Validation in action followed by a pinch of redirection of thought…
“Oh goodness! You’re right! Doors can be very difficult to find in this place! That would frustrate me too if I simply wanted to go outside! Completely understand your exasperation! (validation).
“However, before you go, I would appreciate your help to open a stuck drawer in my “room” (office). It should only take a minute or two,” I say. Always first in line when someone asks for assistance, I know Fred is a helper. As a result I’m confident he will volunteer his services. “Well sure. I can do that. Show me,” he responds.
Thus the rest is history. Once in my office I continue redirecting his thought pattern. “Fred, while I’ve got you, can you come with me to take this paperwork downstairs? I’ll need you to explain what your work hours are.” Doesn’t necessarily make sense to us, but Fred doesn’t question it. And soon we’re on to the next redirection of thought adventure.
Redirection of thought
Let’s break down the meaning of redirection of thought. It means bringing attention to a preplanned thought. Certainly you want to replace that damaging thought pattern currently being entertained (believed). Replace it with a healthy alternative. This is valuable for the general population.
Dementia, on the other hand, needs more of a spontaneous response. There simply is no way ever-changing thought patterns can be preplanned. Preplanned now becomes whatever feasible idea pops into your brain at that moment. Specifically, it needs to be a thought process the loved one is willing to entertain.
Above all, redirection of thought worked in this scenario because I had firsthand knowledge Fred was a helper and put others needs before his own. While it’s always possible to be lucky in moments like this, your best chance for success is to understand your loved one’s personality traits and quirks.
By adding validation and redirection of thought to your interactions, you could bring about necessary mood state changes naturally. No need for antipsychotic meds. A visit to a geropsych ward is absolutely unnecessary as well. Instead you’re left with an atmosphere of well-being and calm which equates to quality of life for your loved one.
Psychosocial Encouragement
- Validate their feelings. “‘You’re hungry now and you just want spaghetti.’ Okay.”
- Remind them of their daily successes. “I love the way you brushed your hair.”
- Maintain their sense of value and self-worth. “Are you warm enough with only a sweater?”
