“Finding the one who will cause me to survive” (aka attachment theory)
Attachment theory itself is basic. Yet it clearly marks significant change in quality of life for loved ones with dementia. Their life begins to reflect newfound peace and strength once they find “that one who will cause them to survive.”
In Attachment theory the main caregiver and infant are biologically predisposed to interact with each other. This creates a tight bond with survival being the goal. Furthermore, the infant intuitively knows this.
Survival mode; first in infancy then revisited
“Who is that one that will perceive my needs even before I do? I need to know who is vested in my survival? Where is that one who alleviates my survival mode fears and helps me to thrive,” the infant asks. These too are the unspoken questions of anyone with dementia-type memory loss. Attachment theory ties infants and loved ones together.
- Neither can verbally fully express their own needs.
- Each are unsure as to what exactly their needs might be (yet intuitively or through physical “urges” know something isn’t right)/
- Both will express themselves using catastrophic reactions in the calmest of situations.
- They are equally ill-equipped to form, organize, and store information (memory making processes).
Baby showers and Attachment theory
Following is a great example of that caregiver/child bond Attachment theory speaks of. Ever been to a baby shower and someone asks if they can hold the newborn? Currently cooing or sleeping, the baby is passed from main caregiver to guests then eventually on to several others.
After a bit the infant begins to fuss. S/he has been away from “the one who will cause them to survive” too long. In their own language they announce, “Waah! I need that one who will cause me to survive! Where are they?!” Once back in the arms of their main caregiver all is well again. Sensing their survival remains intact, the infant returns to contented cooing and/or sleeping.
A loved one needs that very same support
A person with memory loss needs that very same support and for the very same reasons. Loved ones need to have someone continually relaying the message, “I will cause you to survive.” However, for the loved one there no longer is a biologically predisposed person for them to automatically bond with. Caregivers must self-appoint themselves to the task of being “that one who will cause them to survive.”
Hippocampus and Plan “B”
The hippocampus specifically ties these two populations together. But for opposite reasons. It is that part of the brain most noted for storing memory. Around age two it becomes fully developed and serves as the primary area for memory formation, organization, and storing.
For the infant this means they cannot look at a familiar face and say, “I recognize this person. They are the one who will cause me to survive.” Everyone remains a stranger.
Likewise, a person with memory loss finds themselves in a very similar situation. Even though they have experienced and still carry some memories, their ability to do so is breaking down. Memory for them is becoming unstable, unpredictable (is it real or imagined?), and grossly unreliable.
How then do both babies and loved ones with memory loss begin to recognize who their caregiver is? Turns out the brain has a second process that it uses to fill the memory gap. And fortunately it works equally well for infants and loved ones alike.
Plan “B” defined
All feelings and emotions that people experience are produced through chemical changes in the brain. One or more of our senses perceives a pleasant or unpleasant event happening and sends a message to the brain. The brain immediately responds by sending out appropriate chemicals. Endorphins and the like if the event is perceived as pleasant. Adrenaline and the like if the event is perceived to be unpleasant.
The senses then send a message to the brain asking it to create a chemical memory (AKA Plan B). Our senses notify the brain we need to react the same whenever we are in similar situations. It is considered to be a survival technique for all forms of interactions. Good or bad, happy or sad, exciting or mundane, you name it.
Chemical memories run at 100% capacity from birth until the hippocampus is developed. Then it is not depended on as much. It continues to run in the background until it is needed again. But to some degree it always is an integral part of our memory process.
The good news
Having a supportive, caring, and nurturing relationship with your loved one allows them to leave survival mode behind. Those plan “B” chemicals begin alerting the brain you are “that one that will cause them to survive.” Recall is instant. Merely seeing you, smelling you, even in just seeing a picture of you creates a chemical memory. Hearing your voice or just thinking about you will likewise trigger full recall.
To learn more on how to become “that one that will cause your loved one to survive,” please read Psychosocial Interaction.
Psychosocial Encouragement
- Focus on meeting psychosocial needs throughout the day, every day.
- Make sure they continually experience a strong sense of autonomy in their life; lots of personal choices.
- Validate their emotions.
- Encourage their successes.
