Modeling is a great tool you can use to assist a loved one in completing a task.  It is an important tool because it encourages successes throughout the day.  Getting ready to go for a ride in the country and suddenly mom has no idea how to put her shoes on, for example.  She probably will not ask for help.  Not out of vanity.  Simply not aware such a simple act as asking for help would solve her problem.

You have a couple choices here.  You can just quickly put the shoes on her but that may embarrass her, maybe even make her mad.  Thinking, “my daughter treats me like I’m an imbecilic baby!” is going to start this outing on a rather sour note.

Option two would be to model the desired behavior.  And there’s at least a couple of different ways to do that.  Quickly take your shoes off out of mom’s sight.  Sit next to or across from her.  Have her watch you slip into your shoes while enjoying idle conversation between you.  Very often seeing the act re-fires their own neurons, making the task return to a daily norm.

Secondly, you could, while asking her to put on shoes, simultaneously mime the task using just your hands.  Pretend one hand is holding a shoe and “slip” your other hand into the shoe.  They get it.

If it’s just a really bad cognitive day and nothing else is working, take on the nurturing caregiver role.  Ask if they would let you help get their shoes on.  If the answer is “yes,” the problem is graciously solved.

Of course if the answer is “no,” you will still have some work to do.  The final decision on how to master the task of getting their shoes on must be perceived to be made by the loved one.  And once again their autonomy remains in tact.

There never can be too much modeling

Cue and model tasks that appear to confound the loved one.  In turn this frees up their already sluggish thinking process.  Cuing reminds them who you are to them.  “Hi Martin, I’m your caregiver, Lisa.  I’m going to help you get dressed.”  Simple, basic reminders. 

Modeling is literally acting out a task you desire the loved one to perform – such as putting on a coat.  It just makes a task a little easier for the loved one to understand.  Both are instrumental in maintaining dignity which supports a strong sense of self-worth. 

Cuing and modeling allows the loved one to focus on the moment with:

• Fewer frustrations.
• Great sense of support.
• Minimized fear of failure.
• A perceived sense of success. 

Consistently I would have a family member come to me over concerns for their loved one.  Recently placed in a locked dementia facility because family was concerned they no longer were able to properly care for them, now begin questioning if they did the right thing.  “We thought mother was worse off than what we now see,” they would explain.

What the family member actually is seeing is a calmer, more supported loved one.  Instead of each daily task being a whirlwind of confusion, frustration, and fear of failure, they are now able to breathe.  And breathe deep.

Cuing and modeling take the edge off, minimizing or often completely eliminating survival mode.  When that happens it appears they think clearer again.  Actually it’s that there brain isn’t wrestling with all the other badgering thoughts that created some of the distracting havoc in the first place.  No longer continuously flustered.  Still a person with dementia.  But just in a far better place.

Psychosocial encouragement

• Keep your eyes level with or lower while talking with a loved one.  This shows respect.
• Ask for their help.  They need to be needed.  “Can you please help me measure this table?”
• Read them stories.  Maybe from the classics if they don’t have a list of favorites.
• Sing to the loved one.  Hold their hands, sway back and forth together.