Nurturing is an excellent psychosocial tool that can be used to instill comfort and security in a loved one.  Particularly so if they are prone to be anxious.

When used, it’s dynamic potential often completely eliminates unwanted behaviors.  Ironically, this is true for infants, children, and loved ones.  Notwithstanding, many have absolutely no clue of its value.

The psychosocial care of a loved one can appear complex, even confusing at times.  However, as the caregiver develops more tools to help guide them, the greater the quality of life becomes for the loved one.  The more they experience quality of life, the less unwanted behaviors are exhibited.  Now the caregiver too is experiencing a higher quality of life.

What I see and hear a lot of is incorrect caregiver responses in these nurturing moments.  Commonly I hear such things as, “You’re fine.”  “You worry too much.”  “Everything is good,” and “Just settle down,” which sadly completely invalidates the loved one, often making things worse.

Alternatively this causes the loved one to act out with catastrophic reactions.  When left invalidated, their worst fears have been confirmed..  Their worst fear is they will not survive and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Furthermore, invalidation instills the thought in the midst of a “deadly trauma,” they have no one to help them.  The loved one finds themselves alone, frightened, and confused.  There’s got to be a better way.  And indeed there is.

Nurturing defined

Nurturing by definition is simply making a person feel secure.  For instance, a newborn baby intuitively knows s/he can’t survive on their own.  As caregivers we communicate through the act of nurturing we are here to assist in their survival.  Nurturing is the language infants understand very well.

We have no problem thinking about nurturing that infant.  In fact that is what most interactions include.  Yet we think of adults, in particular our elders, as strong and more apt to give nurturing, than to receive it.  Truth is everyone needs it and wants it.  Ultimately we find ourselves in a better place just in receiving it.

Loved ones need nurturing just to endure their day.  Their declining cognitive process alters their reality.  Instantly they can feel their world has become ominous, confusing, violent, even tormenting.  Caregivers need to be there to nurture them back to a safe place.  That place they can’t return to on their own.  Nor will heavy meds get them there.

Ironically, even with their cognitive world sliding away, they continue to intuitively understand and benefit from the value of nurturing.   They instinctively know it is a great force that will help ensure their survival.

The nurturing act

Providing for their physical needs is pretty basic (food, shelter, clothing).  Providing for their emotional needs, however, can be a bit difficult to do.  It seems easier to take care of the physical and medical, then let them work out their own emotional needs.  But sadly, that is something they no longer can do.  That is something they need our help with..

Our nurturing help

1. Be sure you have a fair idea what your loved one’s strengths and weaknesses are.  These keep changing, sometimes even moment by moment.  Knowing will help you see when it’s beneficial to offer various kinds of assistance.  Likewise knowing when to congratulate them on a job well done.
2. Encourage the loved one to express their feelings.  You may need to ignore the content of what they tell you, but respect and validate the feelings.  For example they say, “I haven’t eaten in five days now!”  You then respond with something like, “You must be starving!  Let’s take care of that hunger right now.”
3. Give them plenty of comfort and assurance.  Repeatedly, many times throughout their day.  “I love you.”  “I’ve got your back.”  “You need ANYTHING, you just tell me.”  “You’re doing a great job!”  “I thought of you for the job.  You always do it better than anyone.”
4. Stimulate their independence and self-worth.  You guide the options, but let them make the choices.  “Do you want to wear the black jacket or gray sweater?”  This leaves them feeling very much in control of their life.  The greater the sense of independence, the greater their self-worth becomes.  One feeds the other.
5. Love them unconditionally.  Dementia can appear chaotic, changing their reality in the most unique ways.  Pick your battle wisely.  Problem-solve together.  Give a little, take a little.
6. Go to their reality, never try to persuade them to come to yours.  They will NEVER do it.  It will only make matters worse.  As in #4 above.  Don’t respond with anything like, “That’s not true.  You never miss a meal!  In fact, you just finished lunch two hours ago!  Remember, you had fish and chips?”  Their memory is broken.  No, they don’t remember any of that.  They’re still hungry because they haven’t eaten in five days.  They don’t want to become an encyclopedia of fact, they want something to eat.

Psychosocial Encouragement

• Give them chores to do that they can be successful at accomplishing.
• Sing their favorite songs with them.
• Dance with them.  Even if it’s just swaying arms
• Gently caress them throughout their day.  They need physical touch way more than clinical touch.
• Ask them specific questions about their childhood and be demonstrative in your responses.